The memories of this day are still fresh in my mind. I can remember events from the days and hours before we found out you had left us. The time, the name of the ultrasound tech, those never ending hours of heartache. How can five years already have passed and we never got to meet? Or hear your first cry? Or squish your little face? Or tell you not to torment your siblings? Or even your first day of school? So many things missed. But yet I still look forward.
I try not to dwell on the fact we lost you on this day 5 years ago. For a while there I was angry, I felt so lost. But God, the same God that I believe you are with has been gracious to me. Carrying my grief when it was too heavy. Carrying the hurt, the anger, the “what if’s”. I’m thankful these feelings have turned them self around. God has used them for good and I often pray that through our story I’m able to offer the same hope that I was reminded of from loosing you.
So, today on your fifth birthday I want to remind those of you reading this post of the hope we have in Jesus. It’s this hope that brought me out of my pit of darkness into his light. It’s the same hope that brought a glimpse of peace to a world 2000 years ago. That same peace, hope that is available to us, to you today. This world seems pretty terrible right now, but truthfully it’s always been that way. And yes someday’s seem worse than others, specifically the past 2 years(can I get an amen). But our hope in Jesus is not dependent on the circumstances of this world. It’s the gift of eternal life we have when we receive the gift of salvation through Jesus. In the turmoil and disparity it’s that light that gets us through the day. Because just like these 5 years seem to have happened in a blink our wait to eternity will seem the same. Don’t loose hope, it’s already here just open your heart to it.
Happy 5th Heavenly birthday son! Another year closer to seeing you.
